Bipolar in Transition

I love my job. It sounds like a cliche - isn’t that what the ideal job is, something you love? But I genuinely, honestly, to my very core, love being a nurse. Four years in, and 200 years after the birth of Florence Nightingale, in the International Year of the Nurse and Midwife, it’s finally sinking in that I truly have found my calling. It just took me a while to get here. It was about 10 years ago I first explored the option of leaving my job in the booming WA mining industry to go study. Curtin University (my alma mater) was holding an information session in Geraldton where I lived. I could remotely study, which meant I didn’t have to uproot my family to the city. But the new semester started in a month. The timing was wrong. I gave up on the idea. Well, mostly. A few years later we did uproot the family, but to Albany, the largest city in the region where I grew up and where the majority of my family lived. The call of home was strong. I continued working in the mining in...

“It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” — Lucille Ball Quelle surprise, I'm injured again. A couple of weeks ago I rolled my ankle while hooting down the Nancy Peak loop trail in the Porongorups. After week or so of increasing pain I went to the doctor and he said it was most likely a peroneus brevis strain/tear. I'm on the sidelines for about six weeks and I've withdrawn from Light Horse. I'm simultaneously upset and glad that I've had to pull out. The training load was beginning to ramp my anxiety up, and I honestly think I'm still not completely level from my recent manic episode. Running had been sketchy and not especially focused. Naturally that makes me a prime target for injury. So with some time on the sidelines, and the impeding shutdown of life as we know it due to the coVID-19 pandemic I've been thinking about what it is that draws me to running, and to running long distances in particular. Apparently,...

"One must have chaos in one, to give birth to a dancing star." –  Friedriche Nietzsche  On the weekend, during one of the most important times of my running career, I had another "episode". Again, the usual signs had been there; above normal irritability, loss of judgement, an increase in task loading ... eventually culminating in me breaking down Friday morning and being sent home from the race I was supposed to be coordinating as race director. Ultimately, the only person at risk was myself and I needed to be removed lest I hurt myself - prior to the breakdown I hadn't eaten a substantial meal in over 48 hours and probably not taken on board more than a litre of fluid for close to 7 hours. I clearly was not well.  It's painful to talk about this, especially this close to the episode. One of the things that many with Bipolar, and mental illness in general, have to live with is shame - shame over our behaviours that occur when we're not in control;...

“The Sun will rise and set regardless. What we choose to do with the light while it's here is up to us. Journey wisely.” - Alexandra Elle So I crunched the numbers, and here's what I came back with in 2019. Further and, at times, faster than before. I've had some good results, despite starting and finishing the year broken. April: Light Horse 3hr - 33.5km, 5th place June: Elleker Half marathon: 1:59:59 [happy 2hr pace bus noises] August: Truth or Consequences 50k: 6:06:50, 19th place September: Birdy's Backyard ultra: 53.4km, 7 laps, DNF, equal 8th September: Denmark Half marathon: 1:43:22, 6th place October: Albany Park to Point 10k: 43:48, 10th (10k pb) But things go beyond the simple numbers. What you don't see are the mental gains, the embracing of mindfulness and the understanding of where I am on this journey. 2019 saw me hit possibly my lowest point, where the after effects and crash from a two to three...