The why?

“It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” — Lucille Ball

Quelle surprise, I'm injured again. A couple of weeks ago I rolled my ankle while hooting down the Nancy Peak loop trail in the Porongorups. After week or so of increasing pain I went to the doctor and he said it was most likely a peroneus brevis strain/tear. I'm on the sidelines for about six weeks and I've withdrawn from Light Horse. I'm simultaneously upset and glad that I've had to pull out. The training load was beginning to ramp my anxiety up, and I honestly think I'm still not completely level from my recent manic episode. Running had been sketchy and not especially focused. Naturally that makes me a prime target for injury. So with some time on the sidelines, and the impeding shutdown of life as we know it due to the coVID-19 pandemic I've been thinking about what it is that draws me to running, and to running long distances in particular.

Apparently, this isn't the correct location for a foot to take all the load

On Facebook there was an epic meltdown and considerable amount of misinformation over the cancellation of the HBF Run for a Reason in Perth. Now, outside of the event organisers I don't think anyone knows the full reason. But that didn't stop people from going full potato on how easily spread coVID-19 is or the ramifications for people in an event that are not seen as "runners" who may have been participating. The 4k event traditionally has a number of people who enter to celebrate either beating or currently fighting serious disease. These are the kind of people most at risk of a negative outcome if they were infected. But hey, screw them, what about my bloody medal amirite!? At eighty odd dollars for a half marathon entry it's not cheap. You get to run through the tunnel on the Graham Farmer Freeway (um, yay?), but other than that it's not a particularly exciting course... so why is it so bloody important to people? What is the reason?

"Bill, I thing the reason is over there."

Why? I didn't start running until towards the end of 2013. It just wasn't my thing, until I discovered that it was. When that happened I dived in head first, and there was not much other than lacing up and getting out. The events quickly came. First parkrun, then a half marathon, culminating in my first ultra marathon - Six Inch at the end of 2014. My running "career" has been boom or bust; training cycle and injury; build and rebuild. Much the same as my mental health it seems. I lost this love at the end of 2018 because of this cycle. And then found the joy of running again in simply running for enjoyments sake which lead to last years breakthrough results.
 
Since I'm broken (briefly) and not running Light Horse, again I'm asking myself some of the same questions I did at the end of 2018: is the stress of training and planning worth it? With a lot of events going forward having the looming spectre of cancellation hanging over them, are they really the real reason I fill up the bottles and head out to the hills in the pre-dawn light? Or is it I run for the fact that I'm out in nature, surrounding myself with peace in an effort to quell the noise in my mind? Could it be that I'm exploring my back yard for hours on end, finding new things every time? That's not to say I don't enjoy racing, or training, or the planning. It's important for me to set goals and to go and have a red hot craack at them. Sometimes though, it just gets a bit much. Ultimately, would it really be so terrible if I never get to run an event again, and miss out on that sweet, sweet bling at the end? I dunno if it would, especially if I still get to hang out with those I care about doing this thing I love.

I guess I could do this every day for the rest of my life...