Bipolar in Transition

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence." - Vince Lombardi. I've never had a perfect race. I’m sure if you asked any other runner, they would mostly agree. Maybe I ran too fast at the start, didn't run fast enough at the start, didn't get fluids on board at the right times, didn't do enough training, trained too much, blisters, chafing… there's always one or two things that could have been different or could have gone another way. The Elleker half marathon 2021 was no different. But it was close. Let me explain. In early November 2020, I was diagnosed with a potential stress fracture of my right tibia. It came as I was building well towards the 6” Ultra marathon, which I’ve run before and now seemingly have a perpetually rolling entry due to my propensity to break down at the back end of each year. Another rebuild was required. This time off I incorporated swimming in to my rehab regime, and coupled with meditatio...

I love my job. It sounds like a cliche - isn’t that what the ideal job is, something you love? But I genuinely, honestly, to my very core, love being a nurse. Four years in, and 200 years after the birth of Florence Nightingale, in the International Year of the Nurse and Midwife, it’s finally sinking in that I truly have found my calling. It just took me a while to get here. It was about 10 years ago I first explored the option of leaving my job in the booming WA mining industry to go study. Curtin University (my alma mater) was holding an information session in Geraldton where I lived. I could remotely study, which meant I didn’t have to uproot my family to the city. But the new semester started in a month. The timing was wrong. I gave up on the idea. Well, mostly. A few years later we did uproot the family, but to Albany, the largest city in the region where I grew up and where the majority of my family lived. The call of home was strong. I continued working in the mining in...

“It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” — Lucille Ball Quelle surprise, I'm injured again. A couple of weeks ago I rolled my ankle while hooting down the Nancy Peak loop trail in the Porongorups. After week or so of increasing pain I went to the doctor and he said it was most likely a peroneus brevis strain/tear. I'm on the sidelines for about six weeks and I've withdrawn from Light Horse. I'm simultaneously upset and glad that I've had to pull out. The training load was beginning to ramp my anxiety up, and I honestly think I'm still not completely level from my recent manic episode. Running had been sketchy and not especially focused. Naturally that makes me a prime target for injury. So with some time on the sidelines, and the impeding shutdown of life as we know it due to the coVID-19 pandemic I've been thinking about what it is that draws me to running, and to running long distances in particular. Apparently,...

"One must have chaos in one, to give birth to a dancing star." –  Friedriche Nietzsche  On the weekend, during one of the most important times of my running career, I had another "episode". Again, the usual signs had been there; above normal irritability, loss of judgement, an increase in task loading ... eventually culminating in me breaking down Friday morning and being sent home from the race I was supposed to be coordinating as race director. Ultimately, the only person at risk was myself and I needed to be removed lest I hurt myself - prior to the breakdown I hadn't eaten a substantial meal in over 48 hours and probably not taken on board more than a litre of fluid for close to 7 hours. I clearly was not well.  It's painful to talk about this, especially this close to the episode. One of the things that many with Bipolar, and mental illness in general, have to live with is shame - shame over our behaviours that occur when we're not in control;...