The best laid plans of mice and men

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"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind" - Unknown


The sun rising over Goode Beach on my last long training run. 42km/1300m
Well, I'm not going to get any more prepared than this. 16 weeks, 900km, 22000m+ of elevation. I've done parkrun, laps around Lake Seppings, Bibb track, Light Horse, the Porongorups and Stirling ranges, Bald Head... I've gone short, long and everything in between. Drove the Elleker half marathon two hour bus to a centimetre perfect 1:59:59 dressed as Thor. Run with Steve, and Anna, and Sam, and Jez, and Wayne, and Ben, and so many more. Stepped back in to the Altras , got a new pack, tested nutrition so I know what works. Spent time with a movement and recovery team to help me do iron out some tightness so I can do it again and again. I've PB'd segments and distance. I've even gone and mapped out and planned my own event for later in the year (October 13 - save the date). Yeah, I think I'm good to go. Physically that is. Where's my head at? Well...

Head in the clouds on Mt Magog chasing vert in the Stirling Ranges
Yesterday I set a new PB on the Luke Pen trail, an 11k out and back alongside the Kalgan River. I also took a fall (my second in a week) and rolled my ankle ... twice. Today the ankle is sore and tender to walk on. Typically, after playing the sensible game for the last 16 weeks of training I go and do something foolish just two weeks out from the first of five ultras in the next five months: Truth or Consequences 50k. Subsequently, I'm not running this weekend and focusing on recovery. Cue mild existential crisis.
 
No matter how far I run, the issues are still there when I finish
Part of the reason why I took that tumble and went over on the ankle: I was focused more on how I was feeling rather than what I was doing. Work has been stressful, maranoia anxiety is rising and I have noticed a slide in my bipolar cycle towards depression. After two falls, my trail confidence has taken a big hit. And trying to run flat out when I should be dropping the intensity of my training isn't the smartest of ideas. That's what life with bipolar is like. I try to be in the moment, practicing mindfulness in my daily routine but the brain does it's darnedest to sabotage the process. Checks and balances limit the damage. But what's done is done. So now I'm laying on the couch with the foot in the air and just letting it go. I'm not going to achieve anything screaming at myself, as much as I want to. And I know I can do this. Rest up. Trust in the training. One foot in front of the other. Que sera sera...

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